October?

Who would have guessed that on October 6th, 2007 I would be in my bikini at the lake getting a sun tan? P. and I camped this past weekend at Van Buren State Park. While it was too hot for P. to hunt we spent the weekend in shorts and flip-flops enjoying MI like it was the middle of summer. It was a gorgeous weekend. The leaves are turning, the breeze was refreshing and the lake was as beautiful as ever. Our campsite was perfect. Surrounded by trees, private and quiet. Saturday we happened upon a Cranberry Harvest at a local fruit farm and spent a lot of the day tasting cranberry foods, sauces, jams and juices. We took a hayride to the cranberry fields were we saw the harvest process. It was really neat. We came home with some dried cranberries that are delicious and some jam for my parents that I thought they would love. We shopped for Katie, our niece and nephew and the baby in the sweet little town of South Haven and had lunch at a small busy little diner/ice-cream parlor. On our way back to the campground we found a roadside pumpkin patch where we bought a couple pumpkins to carve up in the next couple of weeks. I love pumpkins! Carving them is a lot of fun for me and I can't wait to carve them with our kids someday. Not to mention I love pumpkin pie. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the lake sun tanning, people watching and taking in the sounds of the waves. One of my favorite sounds is the sound of waves crashing on the shore. I can listen to them for hours and feel so at peace. My other favorite sounds are the sound of my husband's boisterous laugh and Abby's big sleepy sigh.

For the most part I felt well enough to enjoy the trip. The morning sickness came and went as it pleased and my headaches were consistent. Saturday night I got a migraine that ended my happy weekend abruptly. Around 8pm it started getting so bad that I couldn't enjoy our campfire and by 9pm I headed inside for sleep and relief. Neither sleep or relief came. P. knew there was something very wrong with me when I passed on S'mores, another one of my favorite things. My migraine persisted for almost 24 hours so little to say I was anxious to get home and into my own bed. But even with the migraine from hell I had a nice time camping with my husband and was glad I went. I was proud of myself for toughing it out.

Book I am reading: The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy I borrowed from the library.
Cravings: Donuts and still lots of lemonade and cereal.
Pregnancy symptoms: Morning sickness, migraines, saliva, indigestion and the growing protective layers on my belly. P. and I call it my "voluptuous" tummy. I can tell my pants are getting tighter and more uncomfortable each day. I was quite embarrassed to be in my bikini Sat for fear of being "that woman that should not being wearing that"....
Funny quirks: I have to sleep now with pillows surrounding me. I need one for my head, legs and back and almost got up last night to add another one for my feet.
Shopping for baby: Anything dog. Dog books, dog pictures, dog outfits, dog toys, dog bowls, spoons, cups, dog blankets, dog anything.

According to the weather forecast October in MI will soon be feeling like October in MI. But that's OK, it has been a beautiful fall. We feel spoiled to have had such nice weather for so long. It's week 14 and I am feeling more safe and secure in my pregnancy. Some days it feels like I have been pregnant forever and some days it's hard to believe I have been expecting for over 3 months now. Even with all the uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms I still feel really well taken care of by God. I have come a long way and truly feel this is where I am supposed to be. Married to P., living in MI, expecting our first child together and establishing a strong, loving home and life here feels right.

The Food Network

My new thing is watching cooking shows on the Food Network. I watch everything including all the "challenges" and "cook-offs". I don't know why. Food is still hard for me to eat, smell and look at but there is something about these shows that is entertaining. I used to find them boring, and some still are, but right now they work. I really enjoy Paula Dean, she always makes the comfort foods like chili and cornbread or some sweet, rich dessert without ever sparing the fat. The more sugar or butter the better. That's what I say. :)

Well, October means the beginning of hunting season for P. and most of Michigan. With nights at ITT and hunting I am worried about becoming what they call a "Hunter's Widow". I spend a lot of days at home alone so I have become somewhat dependent on my husband's company at night. But I know it is what he loves to do and it only lasts a couple months so I can handle being "widowed" for a little while. I do hope to join him on a couple local camping/hunting trips this month but with how I have been feeling I just don't know if that is possible. I just take each day as it comes and hope for the best. As much as I maybe don't understand or support hunting I do support my husband and love him for who he is. He would do the same for me. So, good luck babe, I hope you have a fun and successful season.

I am currently reading The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy. So far so good. And I am entering my second official week of Bible Study Fellowship where we are studying the book of Matthew for 33 weeks. It is really hard to read and study the bible so deeply and intensely every day. It takes a lot of commitment and can get quite frustrating at times when I feel I am not understanding the lesson. But I am learning quickly and feel proud when I work hard and get it done. My next "life" goal is to start exercising again and prepare this tired body for the months ahead. It makes me tired just thinking about it.....

This Is No Fun

This past week has been one of the hardest weeks yet of my pregnancy. There was not a single day that my pregnancy symptoms let up long enough to give me any type of relief. It was a week of the worst morning sickness I have experienced with complete nausea all day increasing in intensity every evening. I had four days of strong, miserable migraines. Ones that make you sick to your stomach if you are not already. And on top of the gross and annoying large amounts of saliva that I have been dealing with now I have this full, bloated, gaseous stomach that only settles down when my stomach is empty and I can't let that happen. As soon as I eat anything, even if only a small bowl of cereal or piece of toast, the gas starts to build up and the pressure is extremely painful. I can let only bits of it out and the rest just continues to build until its hard to move or breathe. Good thing I know my husband loves me just the way I am and I know nothing, even these extremely unattractive pregnancy symptoms will change that. But lets just say I don't feel quite as sexy as he tells me I am.

If you looked at me today you wouldn't be able to tell that I was pregnant. I still weigh less than when got pregnant and there is no obvious tummy. But I can tell a difference in the look and feel of my stomach. I can see a little bump growing and it feels hard and full. It may just be the bloat but I don't think so. It's exciting to see and feel the slight changes in my lower abdomen and I think right now it is one of the only things keeping me from getting depressed. I know there are hundreds of thousands of women going through the same thing I am right now. And I know there are many women out there that experience morning sickness all 9 months. I can't even think about that right now. I just can't imagine feeling like this much longer. Even though millions of women go through this it doesn't make it any easier. I am still hopeful and optimistic that there will soon be an end to this. Maybe tomorrow will be the day. It would be nice to start a new week, week 13, and a new month with a new state of health and well-being. The hard part right now is not knowing. Will this last for another day, week, month, 6 months? When will I be able to start truly enjoying this pregnancy? Why me?

We did get to do something this weekend that I have wanted to do for a long time now. We had professional pictures of the dogs taken. They are my early anniversary present from P. and from what I saw they turned out perfectly. They are just what I wanted. The setting was beautiful, the dogs looked gorgeous and the ones we took of the whole family came out great. But most importantly I got a perfect picture of Abby that I will keep forever and ever. Abby is my best friend and there are many days over the past 7 years that I don't know what I would have done without her. Besides P. now, she is the most dependable, constant and unconditional companion I have ever had. We should receive our prints by our anniversary in Nov.

Well, time for bed. I always look forward to bedtime because at night only my weird dreams make me feel pregnant. It wasn't a great football day either with my Niners losing big and the Eagles falling apart before our eyes. Tomorrow is a new day. Will it be THE day?

12 Weeks and Drooling Like a Big Dog!

I am only going to complain about one thing because I only have one thing to complain about. The latest week of my pregnancy has brought on a new annoying symptom. Excessive salivating. So much I don't know what to do with it all. It's pretty gross and like I said very annoying. Why am I drooling like a dog? Is this really necessary? It's really an incredible amount of spit for one person to manufacture. I wish there was a magical answer or precise end date to this new symptom because I hate it. Like I promised, one complaint, no more.

I am still on an ultrasound high. I have looked at our baby's photos a million times. I wish I could see "him" moving around again. I wish I could see what "he" looks like this week compared to last week. I wonder what "he" is doing right now while I am sitting here watching t.v. thinking of "him". Yesterday I noticed my tummy getting a little plump, almost overnight. Probably because my appetite is returning though my morning sickness has yet to ease up. My new thing is Rice Krispies. I eat a lot of Rice Krispies and cereal in general. Usually two of my three meals a day are cereal. I can get it down, it's easy to make and it tastes good so I eat it. A lot of it.

Our wonderful friends J. and M. gave us their crib this past weekend. P. cleaned it up and we put it together. It was a beautiful gesture from our friends to share their family's keepsake with us and we feel honored to use it someday for our little one. We are very blessed. P. and I are very blessed. We are 12 weeks along, that is something to be thankful for.

Wow

It's hard to find other words than WOW right now. Wow.

We saw our baby today. Our moving, breathing, break dancing baby. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. This doctor appointment was all I expected it to be and more. Everything looks good, everything is on schedule and not only did we hear the baby's heartbeat but we saw our little buckaroo moving his arms, legs and body through an ultrasound. He did these flips like "the worm" move that break dancers do. It made us laugh. I say "he" but we really don't know the sex yet. "He" just seems to fit for now.

So, long story short......I am doing great, P. is great, baby is doing great and hopefully in another couple of weeks, or sooner, the morning sickness will ease up and the fun can begin. But it really feels like the fun began today. It's all so real now. So amazing and so real. There really is a little baby growing in there. P. and I held hands as the doctor showed us our baby's hands, legs, head, nose, eyes and mouth. I cried right at first and the rest of the time I was just in awe. And I had a smile that they could see from space. P. can't stop talking about how cool it was to see his little heartbeat racing and he teases me that he still looks red from the cherry Slurpee I drank a month ago. I was all worried I stained our baby red by drinking it. Funny.

I feel so happy. Today I feel like a mom for the first time.

Pictures

Here is a picture of me P. took Friday night. Serra was needing some attention so I sat down to hang out with her and Abby came to join us. Abby always has to have a toy with her. And here is another picture of my new Chicago Cubs shirt that I just love. My great hubby bought it for me and I am glad he did. In the background is one of my favorite fall decorations. It is a big fall wreath my sister-in-law J.H. made for me many, many years ago. I always make sure it graces a wall each year around this time.

P. caught about a 10 lb. salmon last night on Lake MI. He had another good one on the line right up next to the boat but it got away. We have 4 good sized filets in the freezer to enjoy now. Yay. I love salmon. Not so much lately since I have been pregnant but I am sure I will again soon.

I miss Dr Pepper

After my last post I realized I needed to do something to change my situation. I just couldn't live like a zombie anymore. So Thursday I got up determined to have a good day.... and I did. My morning started out slow as do most, but after lunch I got out of the house and went garage sale shopping. I found some fun sales and picked up some needed items for cheap. I went to McDonald's and treated myself to some lunch and a Dr Pepper which I have grudgingly cut out of my diet. It was so good. Boy have I missed those. I ran a few errands to the bank and post office and after being out for a couple hours I was feeling so good and the weather was so nice I didn't want to go home. So I wasted some more time and picked up P. after work and we had some dinner at a park. It was a great day. Once home that evening I started feeling nauseous again so we grabbed the girls and went for a walk at a park we love. The weather here has been so cool and beautiful lately that you can't help but want to be out in it enjoying the beautiful Michigan scenery. Friday was more of the same. Morning was slow, met P. for lunch at his work (they had a staff golf morning with lunch for staff and families), worked on a photo album for K. of her summer here with us, did some laundry and put up our fall house decorations. It was really neat because at the staff lunch they had giveaways and P. won 2 one month memberships at two different gyms. Since he is a runner I will use the memberships. Exercising is one of the things I wanted to get back into once I started feeling better and I love going to the gym. So this worked out very nicely for us. At least it will for 2 months. And I am volunteering at the Humane Society now. And I am starting a bible study next week that will be every Thurs morning for a few hours. So, all in all I think I have done a pretty good job in the last few days figuring out how to get out of my first trimester funk.

Now I can't say the morning sickness is gone because it reminds me every few hours that it is still around. And today, with all of our efforts to stay busy I got sick around 6pm and it has relentlessly taken me down for the night. P. is out salmon fishing on Lake MI tonight and I am headed to bed. But I am going to bed knowing I am one day closer to feeling better and happy out baby is still living and growing in my belly. I have a new plan and feel good about it.

What to do?

I think I need a hobby or a project to concentrate on. I would love to be selling on eBay right now but I don't have anything to sell. I thought of a couple things today. I could clean the basement. We use our basement as storage and it could use some cleaning and organizing. It would be a good project to keep me busy for a few days. I could try to read or paint or crochet. But I don't really like to read, I am a terrible painter and I don't know how to crochet.

The past couple of days have been more of the same. I am getting quite a bit of sleep though. About 11-12 hours a night. I used to be lucky if I got 6-7 hours. I am feeling pretty lazy but rested. I tried some new pregnancy exercises today that I saw on The View. It felt good to use the muscles that used to be so active and tone but that I only use now to get in and out of bed.

10 weeks!

We are finally into the double digits....10 weeks! 2 1/2 months. If you asked me how I was doing my answer would depend on the day and time. Yesterday I don't know if I would have even answered you for fear of bad words or throw up coming out. I really need to do the dishes right now but any slight smells of food make me gag. I don't have morning sickness. I have evening sickness. Bad, bad evening sickness. It comes on around 4 or 5pm and lasts until I go to bed. It is terrible. Can you tell I am having a bad day?

On a lighter note....I get this email from this pregnancy website telling me what's going on with my baby each week. Here are some highlights of what it says for this week:
"Your baby is no longer an embryo! All your fetuses vital organs — the liver, kidney, intestines, brain, and lungs — are now in place and starting to function. During the next three weeks, your baby's length will more than double to nearly 3 inches. Each day, more minute details — including tiny fingernails, toenails, and peach-fuzz hair — start to appear on her body. She is busily swallowing amniotic fluid and kicking her legs. Your uterus has doubled in size by now. Before you got pregnant, it was the size of a small pear. By this week, it's grown to the size of a grapefruit. "
It also talks about "evening" sickness and recommends eating a big meal in the morning and just snacking at night when you are not feeling well. Not great advise but that's OK. It's mention in the email is validation enough that I am normal and not alone.

A couple more light notes......It seems a few things have improved. I don't have quite as many migraines as I used to. I still have them, but they are less frequent. Maybe because I sleep more and if I am not sleeping I am laying on the couch. I don't do much anymore that would bring on a migraine. And my complexion has improved. I have always had bad skin and it seems as though it has cleared up a bit over the last month. My neck is not giving me too many problems either. Again, probably because I don't move around very much and spend a lot of time in the horizontal position but still.....I will take it!

P. took on two classes at ITT this quarter. I feel bad for him working so hard for us all the time. Lately I feel like I don't contribute anything to the relationship or house. I can't even make him dinner because the food and smells make me sick. I hope he understands this is temporary. This IS temporary isn't it? Isn't it?

1st Doctor's Appointment

Today's appointment was pretty harmless. The nurse had a lot of medical history questions for P. and I, brochures to look over and papers to sign, and then I had to get a urine and blood test. We learned about classes at the hospital we can take and optional tests down the line that are available to us. We also chose to donate our baby's umbilical cord. My starting pregnancy weight as of today is 151 lbs, with clothes and shoes on. It looks like I have lost about 6-8 lbs since getting pregnant. Surprising considering the extra weight I feel I am carrying in my chest and how large and bloated I feel but not surprising at the same time since my diet has drastically changed. The nurse gave us a due date of April 9th, 2008 and said we would know more at my next apt which is Sept 18th and is with a doctor. On the 18th they will do a full pelvic exam, measurements and maybe an ultrasound if they find it necessary. Otherwise I will only get an ultrasound during my 20th week and hopefully at that time our little pumpkin will cooperate and show us if we can start thinking boy or girl.

Things have been going pretty well lately. I have been sleeping more which gives me less awake time to feel sick. I am eating a lot of cereal, toast, crackers and lemonade. I do worry our baby isn't getting enough nutrients from fruits and vegetables right now but our nurse said to just worry about getting things down for now and once the morning sickness goes away work on a more nutritional diet.

On another note, NFL Football starts tonight! Football for us means hours of exciting entertainment, cold weather, chili and corn bread, wearing my SF 49ers hoodie sweatshirt and late nights watching our favorite teams. Games start really late out here EST. Late enough for us to consider moving back to a reasonable time zone just for the convenience. My team is the rebuilding yet still decent Niners. P. is a lifelong Philadelphia Eagles fan. Go team! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? We are.

9 weeks, September already?

P. and I went to Chicago for the holiday weekend to see a Cubs game at the amazing Wrigley Field, eat at our favorite restaurant The Cheesecake Factory and see the big city sites. The last time we went to Chicago the weather was horrendous. It was windy and cold. So cold we could hardly be outside for more than a few minutes at a time. This trip was much different.

We had a slight delay Sat morning trying to get out of the house due to tummy troubles. We almost didn't make the trip because I was having such a hard time with morning sickness Friday. We took our time Sat morning with eating right, resting and visiting the restroom and around 9:30am I felt I could make the trip and we headed out. I am so glad we hung in there and made the trip because it was a wonderful time with little troubles and lot's of fun. We were late to the Cubs game but got to see about an hour and half of play. P. bought me a cool long sleeve Cubs shirt and we had great seats along the first base line and in the shade. Wrigley Field was so cool, so old school with the manual scoreboard and organ music. It couldn't have gone any better. Oh, and the Cubs won 4-3 over the Houston Astros keeping them in the first place position. After the game we found our fancy Hotel Blake in downtown Chicago, checked in then quickly walked up Michigan Ave. to our early dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We didn't have to wait for a table and sat down to share a plate of Mahi Mahi Fish Tacos and a piece of Fresh Banana Cheesecake. I had one taco myself and a handful of bites of cheesecake, just enough to satisfy my hunger but not too much to upset my stomach. It was a perfect dinner. After dinner we walked around Navy Pier and got in some good people watching, something we like to do a lot. I was so thankful to have made it all day with minimal troubles. Besides being tired from a long day of walking around and the excitement of the day we were happy and content. The downtown hotel room was loud and it seemed like the city never went to sleep. But we didn't have to check out until noon the next day so we took advantage of a nice, slow, relaxing Sunday morning away from home. Before we headed out of town Sunday we hit the famous pizza place we went to before, Giordano's and had some really good deep dish stuffed pizza. It didn't settle in my stomach well but it was worth it and thank God for frequent rest areas along the road. Oh, and someone rear ended us in traffic in Chicago. It's not bad, just a few scratches and hopefully no lasting effects on my neck. We will keep our fingers crossed. We stopped by the brand new Four Winds Casino in Michigan City and let them take our money before making the final leg home.

I have to say we had a truly wonderful weekend together. We made sure to enjoy our "childless" trip and alone time because soon vacations won't be the same. Not bad, just different, right?

New developments: Lemonade. I love, love, love lemonade. Funny, because I have never even liked lemonade in the past. Grits satisfy my hunger and don't upset my stomach so I have eaten a lot of plain grits lately. Weird, I know. P. puts his hand on my tummy while we watch TV even though there isn't anything noticeably growing in there yet. I love it. He asks me how our little volleyball player is doing and depending on how I am feeling he gets a sweet or sarcastic answer. I have my first doctor's appointment Thursday morning and will make sure to put an update on my blog afterwards. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat and see the little grape sized volleyball player growing in there.

Well, it is September already. Where did the summer go? The kids are back in school today, the weather is cooling down and the leaves are showing some color already. I feel like I have missed out on the last month of summer because of my morning sickness and exhaustion but plan to fully enjoy the beautiful Fall Michigan has to offer. In a few weeks my upset stomach should ease up and I hope to camp a couple more times with my hubby, hit the beautiful Michigan lake shore and enjoy the last couple of months before our long winter hits.

Retail Therapy

Today I tried a new approach to ease my symptoms. I was determined to get out of the house to get my mind off how horrible I felt and get some exercise at the same time. I thought maybe if I didn't think about.....you know the story. And it worked......for a little while. P. and I walked around the Goodwill and Mel Trotter Ministries thrift stores and found a great stroller for $10. Love it. Then I headed to the mall while P. went back to work. I started at Sears, full of energy and feeling pretty good. I visited some of my favorite stores like Pacific Sunwear, Apple and Little Bohemia before coming upon Motherhood. Wow. Pregnant woman's heaven. My books say I will grow out of my pants by the end of October/Nov. At first that was a scary thought, now it is something I look forward. I can't wait to shop at Motherhood. I stopped at the book store and skimmed a pregnancy book titled Pregnancy Sucks before the exhaustion and nauseousness set in and I hurried home. The rest of the day and night has been more of the same. But that's ok. For a few hours today I felt like myself again and it felt good. Oh, and P. and I have a friend whose wife's name is Lilah. I really like it. Goodnight all.

8 Weeks

Last night my grocery store receipt consisted of Vit B6, Unisom, saltine crackers, Tums, peppermint candies and a box of Betty Crocker Brownies. After 2 days bedridden in the house I called my doctor and researched the internet for morning sickness help. I was/am desperate. My doctor recommended Vit B6 once a day and a 1/2 tablet of Unisom as needed. Online I found a lot of woman in my position recommend ginger tea, saltine crackers, Vit B6, motion sickness bands/bracelets, peppermint candies, lot's of small bland meals instead of 3 big meals and to not take your "very strong" prenatal vitamin until nighttime. I tried a few remedies yesterday and felt a little better and even with all my efforts today I feel just terrible. Discouraging, yes. But I do know the sypmtoms are temporary. They say morning sickness peaks around 9-10 weeks and tapers off around 12-14 weeks. I look forward to the day.

Yesterday was my 8 week mark! If everything goes as planned we will have a little baby in 7 months. I feel better telling people at this point that we are pregnant and look forward to sharing the news with some more family and friends in the next couple of weeks. P. and I went garage sale shopping last Sat and found a "like new" pack n' play for cheap and some baby books about puppies of course. Oh and we found a Detroit Red Wings onesie for $.25. Fun, fun. We hope to use the last month or so of garage sales to get some baby necessities for cheap. If you know me at all you know I am not one to buy anything new and expensive that I can get used and cheap at a sale.

Yuck!

So my nausea turned into something much worse today. It's funny because yesterday was such a good day. I got up and had my normal breakfast of fruit and water and soon was hanging my head over the toilet. I don't think I have thrown up since I was 15 years old and today my pregnancy was confirmed with 3 episodes of intense vomiting. So intense I burst a few blood vessels under my right eye. My friend B. said the fun has just begun. I say it was jut a fluke and I ate some bad grapes. We will see.......

I have had some interesting dreams lately. I thought I would share a few funny ones. A couple nights ago I dreamt that I met Reba McEntire and I got to tell her what an incredible person I thought she was. She offered me some hot dogs to eat, I refused. Then a few nights later I dreamt we went to the doctors for an ultrasound and we found out we were having a boy. The doctor took the baby out of the ultrasound screen and handed it to me. It looked like a little alien with a big giant head and I didn't know what to do with it. I had another good dream last night but it has since escaped my mind. Oh well, if I share much more you all might think I am going crazy.

Today I feel very, very blessed to be home. I was thinking about how hard it would be to feel like this and have to go to a job every day. I am going to give my husband a big kiss tonight to let him know how much I appreciate his support and for allowing me to be home during this time. I may be a pessimist or a glass if half empty kind of person but I do realize how lucky I am. I do realize that I have a very good life and have been blessed in so many ways. I have an amazing husband, a nice house, 2 beautiful dogs, good family and friends and there is nothing I am in desperate need or want of. I have it all and a family with P. will just be icing on the cake.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

I am blogging today in sweats, a sweatshirt and thick socks. I think I even considered turning the heat on for a second but grabbed a blanket instead. We just spent a very fall-like rainy weekend camping in Pentwater, MI. We were supposed to spend the long weekend salmon fishing but weather and boat problems prevented us from that. P.'s parents, aunt and uncle, niece and nephew met us Friday at our campground just north of Pentwater. It was windy, too windy to go out on the lake so we went to play Bingo at the local VFW instead. I did win my first Bingo ever and it was exciting but after 2 hours in the smoke and with my eyes crossing P. and I headed home.

P., his dad, and our nephew did get to go out on a friend's boat Sat. morning. They caught a Steelhead and a nice sized Salmon so at least we didn't leave empty handed. We had a fish fry that night with potatoes and salad, yum.

We had made an attempt to go out on P.'s dad's boat that evening but only came back with sea sickness, boat troubles, wet clothes and broken equipment. We can laugh about it now. So Sunday we resorted to the casino and movie theatre to pass the time. Kat. and I went to see No Reservations with Katherine Zeta-Jones. It was cute, typical romance. Who wouldn't fall in love with KZJs, geez she is gorgeous. We headed home early Mon after a long night of pouring rain and no sleep.

I wasn't so sure how I would do camping and being pregnant. It wasn't horrible but let's just say things were a little more difficult. I never felt great, actually I felt pretty miserable the whole time. I feel nauseous from the time I wake up until the time I fall asleep. I thought I would finally toss my cookies while out on the boat but kept it down with deep breaths and lots of concentration. With the gloomy rainy days and lack of sleep I was ready to come home and deal with my symptoms in the comforts of my own home. The "morning" sickness is ridiculously named because it doesn't go away after 10am. Mine seems to get worse. I am exhausted. I feel like I could go to sleep right now and wake up next week and still be tired. And the gas, bloating and indigestion is unbelievable. Wow. Tough. But, on a good note I am 7 weeks pregnant! 5 more weeks and I will be out of my first trimester. I heard things get much easier at that point. I do know all of these icky symptoms are temporary and will eventually go away. I do feel it is all worth it. I do feel blessed. But I do look forward to feeling better, a lot.

Update

Names:
P. likes Archer for our boy. Archer means archer, or bowman or marksman. Do you think there would be too much pressure on him to be an expert archer with the name?
I like Shelby for our girl. Shelby doesn't mean much, I just remember Julia Roberts name was Shelby in Steel Magnolias and I really like that movie. And Shelby, MI is where he/she was conceived. Shhh.

I am feeling ok. Still happy and excited but sometimes the other symptoms take over and it's hard to be all happy and excited. I feel nauseous all day most days and my boobs are ridiculously sore and uncomfortable. My sleep schedule is all messed up. I can't fall asleep until 1 or 2am and I sleep in until about 10am. At least I am getting my hours in though. Other than that I am healthy and hanging in there.

Today I told my best friend the news. I tried to wait as long as possible to confirm the pregnancy but I couldn't wait any longer. K. cried. I cried. She is pregnant too, with her 4th and we had a good laugh together as I complained about my boobs and my egg and banana issues. She understood. I hope to be as good a mom as Kristyn is. She is a good woman and a wonderful mom. I will strive to raise kids as well as she has. It felt good to share our wonderful news with my oldest and closest friend.

Open to Suggestions

This weekend we went to Detroit for a Tigers game and to meet some friends for lunch before the game. My friend A. has two kids and handles motherhood quite well so I took the opportunity to bounce some ideas and concerns off of her. One thing I have noticed about couples after having kids is that their marriages suffer. P. and I have such a wonderful marriage and I am a little worried about how things are going to change. She said couples that fall apart or lose their "passion" do that to themselves and that it doesn't have to be that way. They focus all their attention and efforts towards their kids and at the end of the day have nothing left for each other. A. advised to always make time for dates, alone time and to make sure you live your life with kids, not for them. Easier said than done? Is it silly to think things can stay the same between us? All I know is that I am going to make a conscious effort to "save" our marriage. In 10 years from now I want the same excitement and passion for my husband that I have today. Maybe even more.

The Tiger game was a lot of fun. P. and I really enjoy baseball games. We enjoy most sports games together. Besides a change in the game time and a little trouble finding our way home after the game things went quite well. Comerica Park is nice and new. The Tigers played well with a couple home runs hit in our direction. All in all it was a fun day in Detroit. We were able to see good friends, eat BBQ, watch a fun baseball game and spend quality time together as a couple.

My books don't list "thinking" as a symptom of pregnancy but I find myself thinking, even worrying, more than ever. There are so many things to ponder and figure out. Maybe it's just that I have too much time on my hands now and I need to find something to keep myself busy with for the next 9 months. I haven't spent a lot of time around kids and personally don't feel I have a strong "mom" gene. But I have a lot of friends and family members that I respect as moms and dads and can learn a lot from. If there is something you have learned from being a mom, dad, grandmother or grandfather, aunt or uncle or friend please share your thoughts with me. My mind and heart are open right now to listening and learning. I want to be the best mom I can be so if there is important knowledge or advise you can share I would be more than happy to hear from you. Off to eat lunch and nap. It's a hard life but someone has got to do it!

Sad But Relieved

Reba is in a new home today. I don't doubt that she is happy. Maybe a little confused and disoriented but hopefully she hasn't missed a beat. The home will provide constant company with someone being home all of the time, a nice house and yard, a new doggy sister and lot's of love and attention. I feel good about the care she will receive and the life that she will have with them. Leaving her was sad and I teared up walking away but I knew it was the right decision for her and for us.

Last night we told my parents we were pregnant. They were so thrilled for us. They really wanted us to have kids so our "Thanksgiving table" wasn't empty. If all goes as planned this Thanksgiving will be the last without our kids sitting at it. That is pretty exciting to think about. We know it is early to be telling so many friends and family but this is a happy time and we want to share it with everyone we love. And if something happens we will have all the support we need to get through it. Last night was the first time since we found out we were pregnant that I really felt like I could handle my pregnancy.

It's amazing how much better you can feel after a good night's sleep. I needed it so bad. It took me a while to fall asleep because I was thinking about Reba and how she was doing. But after I fell asleep I didn't wake up again until morning. I feel like a new person today. I do miss that bouncy little puppy but it is nice to have my house back. Abby and Serra are recovering from the chaos and Serra might miss her a little but I think they are both happy to have their lives back too. I do have an appointment for my neck at the Pain Management Clinic today at 4pm. I am pretty sure there is nothing they can help me with now since I am pregnant but we will discuss our options and go from there. Tomorrow P. and I head to Detroit to have lunch with some friends. Then we go to the Detroit Tigers game at Comerica Park. Should be a lot of fun. They are playing the Oakland A's and P. and I have really been looking forward to this game. It's supposed to be a hot, humid day. That's August in Michigan!

The future is bright. I am rejuvenated and encouraged. I haven't experienced any morning sickness just a few food aversions like bananas and eggs. I had my first bout with heartburn last night. I pee all the time. I am going through toilet paper like water, or because of water.... Well, off to eat. My outlook on eating has changed drastically. I used to eat because I loved it and I loved food. Now I eat to nourish the little guy or girl in there. How boring! :)

Reba

We tried to find a new home for Reba today. The worries, anxieties and concerns of having a puppy and a new baby where so overwhelming that I needed to find a way out. It was such an agonizing decision to even list her on craigslist today. I have been going back and forth about it in my head for almost a week now. I can't sleep, both due to Reba being up and worrying about having the energy to take care of myself, Reba and a new baby. I am still concerned about the financial issues of taking care of so many bodies and in the end I keep asking myself, does Abby still love me for adding this annoyance to her life?

Reba got more hits on craigslist today than I was prepared for. I filtered emails all day and interviewed potential mommies and daddies on the phone. No one was good enough. We even visited a potential home that sounded perfect and we still left with Reba in tow. It was such a relief to know she was going to be sleeping in our home and not in a new, scary place that wasn't good enough for her. I knew this was a hard decision but maybe I don't really want to give her up. Or my head does and my heart doesn't, in equal proportions. I cried all day about it. Is that what you do when you are pregnant?

So here we are. I just took Reba out to pee and poop which she finally ended up doing successfully after much coaxing. I am tired and emotionally drained and I still have a puppy. Is keeping her the right thing or is giving her up right? Will I have enough energy for the 3 of us, well 6 of us if you count P., Abby and Serra too? Boy this is a toughie.

And to make it all worse, she is just so darn cute. How could that cute little face be a cause for concern? I am going to go lay awake for a few more hours and think about it.......

Three Tests Don't Lie

Friday I took 3 pregnancy tests. The first one was surely wrong, the second was a fluke and the third was, well, I have no explanation for the third one. They all resulted in the same 2 pink lines. I am pregnant! Until I have a doctor's confirmation I am trying to stay calm, collected and not get too ahead of myself. Thoughts of diapers, nurseries, names, gaining weight, and all the ways our life is going to change run through my head constantly. My mind has totally refocused now on how to better my life, my diet, my faith, my relationships and my priorities.

Friday morning started out like most others except for the fact that my step-daughter K. was leaving us after a summer visit of 7 weeks. We had plans for butterscotch pancakes, a trip to the zoo and lunch out before taking her to the airport for a 4:20pm flight. Normally I am all about the pancakes. I usually hold myself to two but Friday morning I could hardly force down one. For anyone that knows me, if I can't eat, something is wrong. I spent the morning pondering my recent crying spells, anxiety attacks, bad cramps and a few other symptoms that I won't mention but that really didn't make any sense. For kicks I decided to take a pregnancy test knowing FOR SURE I couldn't be pregnant. We had purchased some at an earlier date for future use and it was convenient for me to have some on hand. As P. did the dishes from breakfast, K. got ready and packed up some stuff for her trip home, I started the shower and peed on the stick. Within seconds 2 bright pink lines showed up in the window and I stood there, water running, shaking, smiling, saying "No way, no way, no way..." out loud to myself. I got in the shower unable to wipe the huge grin off my face, still shaking and just wanting to run to my husband to share the news. But I couldn't because what if the test was wrong? What about K.? It was her day and I didn't want to take away from that. It was going to be a long day ahead of me.

Friday P., K. and I went to the John Ball Zoo. It was a nice day, a nice zoo, a nice time. We had fun together looking at all our favorite animals, taking pictures and enjoying each others company for the last time maybe until Christmas. It was a sad day. Her departure was lingering over our heads. So was my positive pregnancy test. I was freaking out inside but trying stay cool on the outside. I just had to get through the day, get her to the airport, get her home then we would deal with what was ahead of us. After the zoo we went to Arby's then home to spend some more time with the dogs before she had to leave. Our friends stopped by to say goodbye to K. and after they left I escaped back to the bathroom to take another test. It had those same two lines but not as dark and not as obvious as the first. See, it wasn't right. So we went to the airport, a quick trip to Walmart then home for a nap. Boy was I tired. I took my final test around 6pm and with the same result sat down and waited for my husband to come in from unloading the car. I asked him to sit down next to me and said, "At first I wasn't sure how I felt about these but now I am just really excited and happy." I gave him the three tests and he said, "What do they say?" I started to cry. He said "Congratulations!" We sat in shock for at least an hour and talked about silly things. P. and I weren't actively trying to get pregnant and had actually gone back and forth quite a bit about starting a family. Can we do it with my health, our finances, our new puppy? Can we handle the ups and downs of parenthood? I wasn't so sure after life with K.. Do we have the patience, the selflessness and the dedication? 2 weeks ago we added a new puppy to our family, Reba. She was going to be my substitute for a baby and we were going to go on with our lives as they were. Reba was going to fill that "baby" spot in my heart and all would be fine with the world. Well, someone had other plans for us. And here we are. I have 2 big dogs, a puppy and now a new little one growing in my tummy. How do I feel? Better, how don't I feel? First, I feel blessed. I have been given a gift. What some people say is the greatest gift from God. Second, I feel scared. Are we going to be able to do this? Will I be a good mom? Can we handle this change?

I can't wait to share our news with all our family and friends. I started this blog to document the road ahead. Someday I will read back through this blog holding our baby in my arms, my dogs at my feet and my husband by my side and know all is right with the world and that God is good. God provides. And God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. So, bring it on!