Do I Live in Michigan or Antarctica?

I know my title today sounds a little exaggerated but I am really starting to wonder. This is my third winter here and by far the worst. For over two months now we have had bitter cold temperatures and rarely go more than a day or two before the next snow storm barrels through. I feel cold, I feel agitated, I feel stuck. Our heating bill has skyrocketed and there are days where the heat never shuts off just to keep the house at 66 degrees. There are other days that I cannot make it down or back up our driveway due to the snow and ice and the roads are consistently slick and dangerous. Your life revolves around the weather. You start to plan your errands around the days where there is a short break from the conditions. It's too cold for the dogs. They are lethargic, grouchy and only go outside when absolutely necessary to relieve themselves and even then they take 2 steps out the doggie door, pee and hurry back in to their warm bed. When you live in a place like this the weather truly affects your mood, your safety, your schedule, your state of mind, your life. Today is February 1st. We can expect another 2 months of cold weather. Not as cold, hopefully, but cold. It is depressing really. I am not saying I am depressed but I can feel my happiness waning. Winter, especially this winter, is sucking the life out of me.

I have a lot of feelings and emotions regarding my life here in MI. I love my husband and I will go wherever he goes. I love our acre of land and all our trees. I love MI summers and the lakes. I love my one incredibly close friend here. P. loves his job. But there are a lot of things about MI that we struggle with. The first is that K. is no longer here and she is the reason we moved here. The winters are so cold, snowy, gloomy and unrelenting. The economy is horrible. The property taxes are outrageous. It has been so hard for us to find good friends and even harder for me to find a good job. I am so much farther away from my family. And lastly, it is extremely hard and costly for us to take care of our CO rentals from so far away.

P.'s recent trip to CO has made us consider a move. It has always been in the back of our minds. We go back and forth on the pros and cons of living in MI, living in CO, living somewhere else out west. Should we stay, should we go, if so, where? Can we make a move? What should the timing be with a new baby on the way? Will our house sell here? Will P. find another good job like he has here? Will we miss our land, trees, all the water and the summers here? Do we want to live back in a big town or do we want to go to a smaller city? How will this move affect K.?

What is the answer? We don't know. I pray about it every day. I think about it constantly. But I have to keep in mind, we are mid-winter. MSNBC reports Jan 24th as the most depressing day of the year because the mid-winter weather is wearing you down, you are broke from the holidays (or in our case from maintaining our rentals), you have broken your new year's resolutions already, and you feel like you have nothing to look forward to. The article says this is when most people book a tropical vacation to somewhere warm to give themselves something to look forward to and help them survive the remainder of winter.

But boy do things turn around quickly at the first signs of spring here. It's like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. MI is so beautiful in the spring and summer. We had such a wonderful summer last year camping, going to the lake, picking fresh fruit, fishing, and touring MI. MI has summers that you see in movies. Kids playing in the lake, sitting on the dock, strolls along the "beach", lake cottage getaways, naps in the hammock. It's truly wonderful. And even fall is quite enjoyable here. The leaves change to beautiful colors and the weather is still comfortable. Are the summers worth putting up with the winters? I don't know. Today I would say no.

So, what to do? All I can do is look outside and admit that it is pretty. I can be thankful I don't HAVE to go out in it. I can watch a movie, have some hot chocolate, turn the heat up and accept this is my home. For now.....

P. and I will have a nice quiet dinner at home tonight. Tomorrow we are going to a Christian parenting conference put on by P.'s employer. And tomorrow night we go to church. Sunday P. is playing football with some guys at work and then we will go to a Super Bowl Party at church. Life is good with P. I would rather be here in MI married to him than anywhere else in the world without him. And soon it will be spring, and our baby boy will arrive, and summer will come, and K. will visit and winter will be a distant memory. But for now, here is a picture of our reality.

30 Weeks!

30 weeks today! 3/4 of the way done! They say the next 10 or so weeks until the baby comes are the longest of your life. You can't sleep, are uncomfortable all the time, pee constantly, have gas and constipation, you swell and have mood swings on a daily basis. All these symptoms combine to cause time to creep by. Sounds like fun! I think the worst of it right now is the lack of sleep. I am uncomfortable from the time I lay down until the time I get up. I toss and turn all night and to tell you the truth, I dread bedtime. My hips hurt and no amount of pillows help. Week 30 has been more of the same for me. Contractions come about every hour, I pee about the same, every hour, I have terrible, ridiculous gas but no constipation, no swelling and the mood swings are not too bad. With a little more sleep I don't know that there would be any. But you can ask P. if that is true or not..... So, all in all, things are going pretty well. Could be worse, that is for sure. I feel healthy and not as miserable as they say I might be feeling. There are some issues that are quite annoying but I really can't complain. I am happy with my weight, my size and my progress. I am happy to be at 30 weeks. Over the next few weeks I plan to get serious about finding a name, spend some time on the nursery, finding a car seat and stroller, "spring cleaning" the house and basement, making meals to freeze and getting these classes at the hospital done.

My sweet friends J. and T. here in Grand Rapids are planning a baby shower for me. It will be Sunday, March 2nd. I know most to all of my friends and family in California and Colorado will not be able to attend and that makes me sad. But I have made a couple wonderful friends here in MI and we plan on having a party anyway to celebrate the upcoming arrival of our little guy. It's a good excuse to eat some cake and stare at my belly and I never mind that.

They say our baby is about 15.5 inches long now, and he weighs about 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). The emails this week basically tell you that you are feeling uncomfortable and some ways to cope with the symptoms. Oh, and his eyesight is getting better and stronger but that when he is born he will only be able to see a few inches from his face so to get down close to him for a while. His teeth are formed under his gums already. I had my 30 week appointment today and everything looks good. I gained almost 4 pounds in 2 weeks. I am not thrilled about that but they said I am still on track and not to worry. His heart rate was 158 and I could hear it better today than ever before. It was so loud and clear, no swooshing in the background like usual. My uterus was painful to the touch and my doctor said it is probably bruised from his kicking and not to worry. My urine test showed my sugar to be high but again, nothing to worry about and my blood pressure was right where it should be. I am curious when we will start talking about a birth plan or when we will go into more detail about the labor and delivery. I go back again in another 2 weeks so I will ask them then. For now, all is good. The weather here today is warmer and that is a relief. We needed a day of relief. Even if it is just one day.

Here is a picture of my babies this morning curled up together on their favorite chair. They have a bed right next to the chair but they choose to pile on top of each other in the chair instead. Have a great week. I love and miss all of you very much.