My father-in-law sent this email forward to me today because he knew I would find it funny. Well, actually it is only a little funny. It's more sad but true. I have changed the bad words to less harsh ones just in case my kids read this someday and because I am not a fan of cuss words. But it is funnier with the bad ones in there. Still funny though. If you are from MI and love living here sorry for the put down. It's just not for everyone and not for this CA girl. Here we go....
Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Mich. It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change of seasons. This is truly God's Country.
Oct. 14 - Michigan is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful; certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.
Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony, I love it here!
Dec.12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!
Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!
Dec. 21 - More of that white crap coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway.
Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the SOB who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap?
Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is?
Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the jerk actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken six already this season.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a stupid deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the thing. It did $5,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.
Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of crap into firewood when I had the chance.
May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow poop.
May 30 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida . I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken state of Michigan .
Ha. Something not so funny today, we tried to go to the grocery store and on the way Pete threw-up. He never throws up so it not only freaked him out but I was pretty shaken up. I heard him gurgling and gasping and then it was everywhere. If he was ok we probably would have continued on to the store but we could tell he was having a hard time. We brought him home because he was just not well and he has been sleeping since. Poor little guy. The morning started weird so now that I look back on it I am not sure he has been feeling well all day. And I keep thinking back to what I fed him. I have been letting him taste what I am eating more often and today he took a bite of my bagel, some watermelon and a few sips of a smoothie I had made. Might have been too much for his virgin stomach.
Anyway, I am sure he will be fine and hopefully be back to his silly self again soon. I am going to work on putting the Accord up on Craigslist so I can get it sold and start driving my new van. Just wanted to share the email on MI. Let's just say I am looking forward to spring....or moving! :)